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©2007 CaSandra
Mathis
All Rights Reserved


Some
things you pray to never remember; others you hope to
never forget. The shit that happened to me that night, was a whole lot of both.
I couldn't have been doing anything more innocently than
sleeping. Tucked comfortably away in my bed, not a care in the world. But, doing what's
as natural to a human being as breathing, made this unnatural act one hell of a wake up
call.
I felt this pressure against my rear, right in the crack.
And, whatever dream I'd been having—'cuz I was known for dreaming—turned into a vision
about using the bathroom. Number two as I was taught to call it. I was having one of
those real hard times like when you've eaten too much oatmeal, but didn't drown it in
enough butter and sugar so it comes out in clumps like it went in. Eventually, the dream
took a different turn. I think that's the part where my penis became involved. One thing
I don't do when I'm having a strenuous bowel movement, which I later learned to call it,
is fondle with my you know, which I later decided to call my penis.
I tried to turn and realized I was being held. That's
when reality slapped the hell out of my dream. The pain in my rear became real, along
with the stiffness of my you know, and the huge, calloused hand holding it
captive. Screaming was not an option. Pride? Stupidity? Self preservation? Either way,
whoever was trying to steal my manhood, would remember that night as much as I, maybe
more.
I eased up, struggled less. Nothing of any undoable
measure had occurred, just a whole lotta nastiness you'd never confess around a
campfire, or tell another living soul. In fact, no one besides me and that monster ever
needed to know.
Just as I'd hoped, the fool relaxed. He stopped trying to
put that thing where it didn't belong, and sho nuff wasn't trying to go, and turned me
onto my back. He still had a handful of my you know, so I had to think carefully
on how I was going to play this. Even then, it was a treasure to behold. So, in order to
remain sane enough for my grandiosely planned life to unfold, I had to have all of me
intact.
I willed myself to not cry. At any age, this was some
strange, demeaning shit that could make you question yourself for life. But, at the
tender age of seven, waking up to a grown man trying to force his grown penis into your
young behind has got to be the worse thing imaginable. Especially to a little boy who
wasn't trying to do nothing but get one good night's sleep in a household where anything
good rarely took place.
That night I realized the advantages of growing up in the
hood; the advanced state of youngsters who fend for themselves at an early age, versus
those born with a silver spoon in their mouths and loving parents to keep them from
choking on it. The increased abilities of those who'd fought to get a bottle even before
they knew what a bottle was. Learned quickly how not to cry 'cuz no age is too young to
get smacked, or jacked up until you think your little head's about to roll completely
off your even smaller shoulders.
I'd been scrapping since I was two. That was a cool thing
to ignorant black folk in the forgotten zones; those parts of the worse neighborhoods
that everybody turned their backs on. You know, the streets that folks who didn't live
on knew better than to tread upon? The blocks the city had moved their bus stops from?
That's where I grew up.
So when two toddlers get to pulling each other's hair,
'cuz they don't know no better. Or, pushing each other down, 'cuz they don't know no
better. Eventually, one parent, if not both, will show them how to ball up their fists,
and aim for the face in hopes that their child will be victorious in the fight between
two, innocent, shouldn't even be thinking about fighting little kids who can barely
talk, or walk. Because, even though they're supposed to, their grown, dumb asses don't
know no better either.
So, there I was. A little scrapper caught in the worse
situation of a pedophile trying to make me his victim. My butthole was a little sore,
but intact. I was determined to keep it that way. I waited for the idiot to slip up like
they always do. And, just when he tried to kiss me—damn that still gives me
nightmares!—I balled up my fist and punched that sucka right in his throat. Jammed every
digit of my seven year old hand right into the center of that big, 'you're supposed to
be a man and not be trying to rape little boys' Adam's apple with all my might and all
my will. All the pride I had then, and would grow to have later. But, that wasn't
enough. I started kicking like I thought I was Bruce Lee. The real one.
That's another thing ghetto kids have always been privy
to. If you don't get to watch nothing else, somebody's gone make sure you see a few
karate flicks. If you're lucky, they'll take you back to the original. Or, as original
as the hood knew karate to be. That's Bruce Lee, with two e's. So, I kicked. Bam! Right
smack in the center of his black legs. Ugh! That fool was stark naked. It was dark in my
room, so I couldn't see what I was kicking. Still, my bare foot knew what it had felt;
nasty, naked, penis flesh. And, having something on you gives you good indication as to
where that same something would be on someone else. So, I kicked at that vulnerable
target some more. Bam! Bam! Bam!
He started gagging and choking and trying his damnedest
not to screech like a girl. I didn't know who he was. Had never seen him before. But, he
was big and not just because I was a kid. He'd have been big to anybody. That's when
common sense kicks in. Or, rather hood sense. We weren't stupid like those white kids on
television who hit an attacker once, then acted like it was all over. We knew it took
the police forever to come where we lived, if they came at all. We knew no matter what
happened to us in our God forsaken piece of the world, nobody gave a damn. So, we didn't
run screaming for help. Or, even more stupid, wait around to see if the little damage
we'd done was enough. We took care of business ourselves. Right then. If we didn't, we
knew there'd never be a right now. Self preservation. God thank the hood for teaching me
that, if little else.
I peered through the dimness until I could see. That fool
had fell on the bed and was grabbing his self with both hands. He was hurting, but not
where he couldn't recover and kill my little ass. He turned towards me, like evil people
trying to hurt somebody always does. I saw it again. That huge, Adam's apple, sticking
right out, waiting for me to do my thang. I drew back as if to run, then turned and
popped the hell out of it again. I heard him gasping and grunting and crying for God to
help him breathe. That's when I really went to work. I didn't know what he was going to
tell the people he knew when this was over, but I knew what any television, newspaper,
or radio personality who got hold of the story was going to report, "Lil nigger from the
forgotten land, the Lil' David, beat the shit out of the pedophile, ass trying to pump
Goliath," and I was hell-bent on making sure that's exactly what happened.
I jumped off the bed and rolled underneath, knowing big
nigga pedophile would think I was running scared. Scared my ass. I was running smart. I
kept a little sense of comfort under my bed. Not southern comfort like my mama. I'm
talking Stanley kind of comfort, as in a good sized hammer with that
reliable, rubber grip. I knew dumb ass would think I was hiding. Yeah, dumb ass. That's
how you name a fool when you've got the advantage, but should've been at their mercy.
When you've got the upper hand though they're ten times bigger, and five, maybe six
times older.
I rolled all the way under the bed and came out on the
other side. Real quiet like. When you're confident, you can strategize. I was Bruce Lee,
but a nigga, ninja type, so I was even cooler. I peered over the bed. Just as I figured,
he'd leaned over to see where I'd gone. I jumped! Nah, ninja's don't jump. I sprung onto
the bed, and by the time he turned to see what was up, I'd landed
Stanley
right into the center of his face. I didn't aim for the head. The headlines couldn't
read Lil' Nigger kills Big nigger, 'cuz then crazy white folks would've tried to
lock lil' nigga up. Might even put me in a cell with grown men. Without Stanley, I'd be right back in the position I was in a few minutes
ago, only ass out in a whole lot of other non-metaphorical ways. Not happening.
I decided to bust big nigga up real bad. In a way
somebody was going to ask him what the hell happened and, nine times outta ten, it would
be the hospital, or police. Neither group of which he'll want to tell that his butthole
poking ass was beat down by a little, no named nigga from the hood. The forgotten hood
at that.
The sight of blood splattering and his big ass squealing
like a lil' bitch got me riled. That's the only way I can explain going off like I did.
Casting all that nigga ninja shit and Bruce Lee codes of fighting to the wind, and
wreaking full measures of havoc all over that fool's body. While I pounded the hell out
of his face, his chest and eventually his penis, I saw the faces of kids he could have
hurt with that thing, then hundreds more he would never hurt after getting his ass sho
nuff kicked by a kid of which he'd had full intentions on hurting. Still, no matter how
heinous a fool is, they always have a problem when they get their heinous shit back. So,
it was my duty to make sure that this problem would not be a problem to any other child
again. Ever.
Suddenly, a flash of bright lights blinded me. The hammer
was snatched away, and somebody big grabbed me. That's when I started crying; arms
kicking, feet flailing, my tears and his blood spurting everywhere. Somehow, pedophile's
pedophile crew got wind of me beating him down and came to his rescue. When they saw me
doing my thing, they grabbed me and were going to rape me until I passed out, kill me,
then burn my body in acid so the crime would never be solved, then pay my worthless mama
and daddy some drugs, and maybe a little money to say I'd run away. Such is life for a
little nigga who had the nerve to fight against the crimes that happened to those
unfortunate enough to be birthed in the land of the forgotten. Hood, that is.
It wasn't until I'd bit someone that I realized my
overactive imagination had run amuck. Mama had heard the screams. Guess Jack Daniel's
hadn't done his usual job 'cuz she was still semi conscious. Daddy was never home, so I
wasn't expecting him to come in the room. Anyway, the neighbors heard the screams before
Mama and called the police. By the time everybody rushed in, Mama, Daddy and about five
cops were on the scene. It was a cop who'd grabbed me. He was so appalled, he wasn't
even mad that I'd bit him. Instead of beating the hell out of me like cops always did
folks in our neighborhood, he yelled for everybody to get the fuck outta the way so he
could get this child out of this negative environment. He tried to hug me, but I knew my
thing was still exposed and didn't want it touching no parts of no man, uniformed, or
not. He must have understood my dilemma, 'cuz he put me down on the hallway floor, then
yelled for mama to get me some damned drawers.
He asked me if I'd been hurt, if that bad man had…
hurt me in any way. I glared at him. Now that I knew I wasn't going to be gang raped
and dipped in acid by a bunch of disgusting, pedophile men, my ghetto boldness was back.
I looked him square in the eyes and said, "ain't no pedophile, nasty ass nigga gone
stick no dick in my black behind. I'm a boy, so it wuttin' going down like that."
That cop looked at me like I'd played the dozen all over
his mama. He turned momentarily to watch the paramedics carry ex-pedophile's battered
and bloodied body out on a gurney. When he turned back, his face broke out in a wide
grin. His initial look wasn't shock, it was admiration. He held his hand in the air and
I slapped it hard with a high five. He hugged me like I was his son and he was really
proud. I hugged him back. We were men. Two strong, black men who wasn't taking no shit.
I hugged him real hard, dick hanging out and all.
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©2007 CaSandra
Mathis
All Rights Reserved
Like the first chapter? Thanks, I hoped
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